I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
