If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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