my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
