I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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