Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My ass is underappreciated
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
