apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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