im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
