you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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