why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
