It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
