Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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