So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
