Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
