I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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