I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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