I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
