The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
