i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
