You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
