i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
