He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
