I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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