it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
