i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
