k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
