I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
