I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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