I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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