took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
