did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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