the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
