I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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