Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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