What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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