my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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