So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
