Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
