What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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