You're so nebulous sometimes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
