YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
