I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
