Yo dont text me then not text me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
