I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
