The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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