Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can't motorboat a personality
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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