I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
