No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
