if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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