Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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