Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who died my cat blue again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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