Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
