"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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