why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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