We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
