non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
