Just fell off a train. Bad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
