You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
