her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
