Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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