We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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