Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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