oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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