this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
