You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
