I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
