if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
