Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
