I want to have your abortion
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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