U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
