Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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