every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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