I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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