but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
