I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
