yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
