Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
