I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
