I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
