i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
